Setting the Scales on Interracial Dating

I’ve listened to several theories growing up on why bi-racial dating is wrong. The oldest theory that I can remember is that if the good Lord meant for us to be the same then he would’ve made us the same. With a few anatomical differences science tells us that we are somewhat all the same. It’s only by society and culture that tells us that we are different. Most times those differences that either promotes or discourages biracial dating are societal, superficial, fetish or hate driven.

As a child of the seventies and raised in the eighties and early nineties I remember a time when biracial dating was a societal taboo. The television and newspaper tabloids shoved down our throats of what was aesthetics and success looked like. TV advertisements for toys, luxurious cars, video games, foods and fashion all reflected White faces. Where reality further promoted this illusion is when I attended school and would see the White kids playing with their high dollar Tranformer toys and dressed like that image on the television advertisements and stepping out of their late model vehicles in front of the schoolhouse. Most Black kids at that time was stepping off of the bus. Where there were a few White faces on the bus, they were overlooked being that our eyes were only trained to see with envy the White kids that were mainly in autos.

I’m not alone. If You are over 35 in America then you remember a day in time where you better make some white friends if you wanted to enjoy the luxuries of a swimming pool in the summer time versus playing with the garden hose in your front yard under strict time limits so the owners of that house won’t start bitching about the cost of the water bill.

If you are in that same age bracket you also remember when returning to school and the first assignment was to write a report about your summer vacation and read it in front of the class. 

I don’t remember too many people that looked like Me that could boast of spending one to two weeks in Hawaii, Disneyland or Europe. Who didn't fantasize about being taken in pictures with those corny fucking mouse ears in front of some fucking palace? Hanging out with your friends playing stickball, it, or getting sprayed with a garden hose on a hot summer day didn’t compete to describing the thrill of space mountain, boarding an aircraft or looking at Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

A Black child would come home and wonder what would it be like to live that lifestyle? What would it be like to have seen the world, dress my ass in the latest fashion without hearing how much it costs, go to a country where nobody speaks your language or even have a swimming pool in your own back yard. What would it be like to go to the beach and hang out there until late night with no adult supervision where you see these kids doing cool shit while they are there like riding motorcycles and surfboards.

Only when he or she was comfortable around their peers they would say things like, “That’s stuff for those rich white folks.”  For the longest after watching shows like “Lassie” and “Leave it to Beaver” I thought that all White Housewives wore full makeup and pressed dresses as they tended to their housework. This is where fetish starts with trying to emulate a White Lifestyle. 

People didn’t bicker with loud profanity and physical violence at the end of the day when looking at White television shows. There were no family drunks, isolated conversations of people behind their backs nor arguments before, during or after Christmas dinners. The White people on the television looked happy and rightfully so in their luxury homes and good friends in their surroundings. This is why Black America couldn’t relate to the Cosby Show or Family Matters to a certain extent.

We looked at our parents and seen things different and started judging them as if they failed after judging ourselves for not being deserving. We didn’t with our young minds see that economic status isn’t something that you can achieve by merely being good. This is where psychologically we started tying White Faces as a success factor in the White world that we were shown…so much that any White face would do whether it was from Beverly Hills, California or from Swamp Water Trailer Park, Florida. Don't shoot the messenger when I tell you that merely dating out of your race isn't going to land you the house in the gated community or pictures of yourself with those goddamn mouse ears on a selfie. 

This takes me to a story of a friend of mine. He had dated this very attractive White Female in High School and back then he would have to sneak to see her. One day they went their separate ways and I had to deal with hearing him cry over their breakup. A couple of months ago he had seen her working in the Waffle House. He giggled and asked me, “How did she grow up to work in a Waffle House and is the single mother of five kids?”

I had to answer the question with the brutal and alcohol driven honesty when I answered, “She was always Waffle House material. Where did You meet her? Did she continue her education to a higher level after high school? Where would you pick her up from when you were sneaking out to have sex in the middle of the night? Did she have any goals or ambitions when you met her other than just trying to graduate high school so she can get that apartment and live on her own so she can smoke all of the pot, drink all of the alcohol and fuck all of the Black guys that she can without her dad putting a boot up her ass? When she achieved that, where did she move to and where did she get a job? You were so spellbound about whatever it is that you were trying to escape that you ended up with White trash who lived in a white trash environment. You change the residents of that surrounding to Black People and I swear to god you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the ghetto and that low income housing where Whites lived. The only difference was that it was a newer building structure to the point that you could still smell the newness of it.” 

It goes the other way as well. There are a lot of White Women who will openly say that they will date nothing but Black Men. That should send a red flag up right there being that not only it projects a shallow mind but also a mind that is tainted with fetish. Fucking is just fucking and relationships are relationships. Let’s examine the word “relationship!” Meaning the ability to relate. I’ve fucked many of women that I have nothing in common with other than a mutual sexual attraction but that would suck if that’s all we had in common and tried to build a relationship on it.

Most times you ever notice how these biracial relationships and marriages struggle on a low economic level? You ever notice how one side have to culturally conform to the other whether it be through speech, behavior or the forging of identification? When the White Trash female from the trailer park dates Rayray from the ghetto, she starts talking in ebonics. When the fetish driven Black Man dates Becky from the subdivision he sounds like he’s reading the pages of a dictionary from your forehead when he’s talking at you. 

In no way, shape, form or fashion am I telling you that it is okay to not want to better yourself and your surroundings. I am not saying that it is wrong to date someone from another race or culture. If the reasons are wrong then you must examine is the juice worth the squeeze.

Can you psychologically handle the pressures of a biracial marriage or relationship? I’m only pointing out the obvious when I say that there are a lot of psychological differences that goes along with cultural differences in that arena from the inside and out. I’m speaking from experiences with a past relationship where I wasn’t invited to family functions or even allowed in the houses of her family members. Where My Black kids from a previous marriage were ignored by her family members when seeing them in public. Where her first white husband was allowed to attend family gatherings during the holidays even though he was abusive to her, bygones were bygones.

Now as a Black Man in My early forties I can see the world in a little bit of a different light especially when it comes to relationships. The days of constant sacrifice to prove my loyalty are over. I don’t want a woman with kids and the stresses of dealing with them sabotaging the relationship nor trying to compete with the father of those children. I don’t want a broken woman with traumatic psychological baggage and I damn sure don’t want a woman with challenging financial issues. Life is too short to have to deal with all of that extra shit just to bust a nut.

Condemn me if you will but I did end up with a White Woman when I got off of the dating market. Trust and believe that I moved forward with caution simply because I didn’t want to be in a situation where I was constantly rejected by her family or shunned by her peers. I didn’t want to be with a woman that was driven by fetish but someone that I can relate to outside of the bedroom. I went on dates with several Black Women on the website that I was compatible with but the only thing that separated us was the fact that I am not a Christian. Black or White, I wouldn’t be able to stomach any relationship or marriage where someone puts in front of me a Jesus that they can’t see in front of a man that they can see.  

Nope, I don’t have any fancy speeches of why White Women are better than Black Women when at the end of the day we are all just people and if you can find someone that you relate to then that’s a beautiful thing. If I found a Black Woman with the same qualities of my current girlfriend then I would’ve given her a chance. This doesn't mean that I am going on some rant about Black Women as a whole or cooning about Black Women when I came from a Black Woman's Body who turned out to be the best friend in this life that I could ever ask for. 

Yes, even though I am courting a White Woman, I still have a pro-Black stance when it comes to our political system in America. Who I lay down with at the end of the day doesn’t change my views on the injustices that are before Me as a Man. Just because I am pro-Black doesn’t mean that I have to be a bigot.